Just Seahorsin' Around
by It's Fnicking Awesomeness
Summary: So I got this crazy idea- what if Fang had seahorse DNA in him? Now think about it- what do seahorses do that is entirely unique in the animal kingdom? LOL this is gonna be good. MPreg. R&R for waffles!
1. Wondrous Waffles

OK, this isn't the first chapter of this new story. But don't worry, it's already up. I just wanted to let you guys know about something first.

I am going to have an ongoing contest throughout this, and future, stories. It's called "Wondrous Waffles"! So… the goal is to earn virtual waffles- (#) -by reviewing. The contest ends after I post the last chapter of the story. Here are the ways you can get waffles:

Every Chapter:

1. Review the chapter- this chapter doesn't count (1 waffle per chapter)

2. Answer the Question of the Chapter (2 waffles)

3. If I have a poll, contest, or question _within _ the story and you answered it (1 waffle)

4. If I think you're review was utterly amazing (which I guess might happen a couple times) (1 waffle)

One time per story:

1. Add this story to your favorites and alerts lists (1 waffle each)

2. If it had a SYOC, if you entered (1 waffle per story- no matter how many characters you submitted)

3. Your character was chosen in the SYOC contest (3 bonus waffles per story- no matter how many characters were chosen)

So there is a chance of earning up to 5 waffles per chapter, and up to 6 waffles right at the beginning of the story! So, you continue earning waffles every chapter, and the person at the end with the most waffles wins. Here are the prizes:

Fourth and Fifth: A shout out

Third and Second: A shout out and excerpt from an upcoming story

First: A shout out, an excerpt, and… something else amazing.

Anyone got any ideas? Or can anyone tell me how to "make a banner" to give to someone?

Alright- go to the next chapter and start earning waffles!


	2. The Surgery

Fang POV

"Hey, watch it, dog breath!" I snarled at the Eraser. Seeming not to hear me, he just grinned wolfishly and shoved me into a wall. My hands were bound behind me with a length of chain, so I slammed face first into the cold cement. It hurt.

"I'd be careful if I were you, little birdy. You can't do nothin'." The Eraser said, his voice guttural.

I just glared at him this time, hoping my nose wasn't bleeding too much. We kept walking, and I gave up trying to memorize escaped routes- this place was a maze. A terrible, horrible, killer maze, and everything looked the same.

Yea- we kinda got captured again. What can I say- you go to one Broadway musical (thanks a lot, Nudge) and suddenly wolfmen swarm the stage, singers and dancers are running and screaming everywhere, the audience panicking, and BAM! You're sunk.

When I couldn't contain myself anymore, I asked "Where are we going, anyway?" The Eraser chuckled- a terrible, rasping, choking sound that I never wanted to hear again- and just shook his head. "Fine. Be that way."

After what felt like five hours- it was probably only like 15 minutes- of walking, the Eraser suddenly turned, swiped a little card thing, and smashed me into a door, opening it. "Gee, thanks for opening the door for me." I muttered.

My (somewhat false) bravado dried up when I saw the room we were entering. Right in the middle was a large, silver table. A large fluorescent light hung right above it, and there was a small rolling table covered in tiny silver tools to its right. There was a mini, grimy sink in the far corner of the room, and there were no windows or other lights.

An operating room. I gulped.

At the School, an operating room meant that you weren't gonna get a regular dose of torture- you were going to get something extremely painful. Whether it was testing new injections, further messing up your DNA, or something completely insane- like with Iggy's eye surgery- an OR meant trouble.

I started half-heartedly struggling, already knowing that I probably couldn't escape. Even if I disabled the Eraser- which wasn't all _that_ hard- there was still a locked steel door to get through. The Eraser just tightened his grip on my shoulders- digging his claws into them- and steered me towards the table.

He lashed down my wrists first, then my ankles. The scientists were getting smarter- instead of the old plastic or Velcro restraints; they had switched to painful metal bands. Just tugging at them made me feel like my hands were being cut off.

The Eraser gave a smug wave and smile- I wanted to cut _his _hands off- swiped his card, and walked out.

Then it was just me and the hum of fluorescent lights. I tried not to- I really did- but I couldn't help but think of all the painful and dangerous things that might happen to me. But when I tried to keep away from those thoughts, I returned to thoughts of Max, and that was almost as painful.

What was the last thing I said to her? "Wow, that guy's hair is really greasy." During the musical. Wow, what a way to say goodbye.

_You're not going to die!_

_ But you don't know that._

_ You have to stay positive!_

_ That's kind of ha- wait, why am I arguing with myself?_

_ 'Cause there's nothing else to do._

Before I could think of a witty reply, I heard the sound of plastic against plastic, an electronic _beep_, and the _swoosh_ of the door opening. Since my head's mobility was virtually nothing- I wonder why- I had to rely on my ears. I counted two heavy, scuffing footsteps- male white coats- and a pair of lighter, scurrying ones- a female.

A moment later, they came into my field of vision. One white coat had a really bad brown combover, watery green eyes, tons of acne, and an 8 o'clock shadow (you know, like a 5 o'clock, but scruffier). He can be Hobo Bob. The second male had gelled back blonder hair, dull gray eyes, and a pedostache. Oh, great. His name is Pedo. The woman was pretty attractive- uh, don't tell Max I said that- with bright jade eyes, long red hair, and a thin pair of glasses. She'll be named Shirley.

Hobo Bob walked all the way around me, studying me, occasionally writing down notes on his dirty clipboard. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." I sighed, sounding exasperated.

Shirley jumped, as if she hadn't expected me to be able to talk. But Pedo sneered, saying "Experiment 389p-1. 'Fang'." He said with disgust. "If only you knew what we had planned for you, you wouldn't be so cocky."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure I'm always this way." I shot back, aiming to aggravate. It worked a little bit.

"We're going to do an experimental DNA transfusion procedure." He began pompously. "WE want to know if an already mutated… thing… can be mutated again, but with DNA that is even farther away from its native species."

"Sorry, I don't speak idiot scientist." I said. I kind of understood his meaning, but hey, why not make him angrier?

"It means, freak, that we are going to add another animal's- more specifically, a fish's- DNA into your already mutated body."

Great. I was already breathing underwater, and now they wanted me more fishlike? What, was I not going to be able to breath above land next? I opened my mouth to ridicule him more, but Hobo Bob cried "Enough! Let us begin!"

Shirley, looking flustered, picked up a needle filled with a viscous looking liquid, and stabbed it into my shoulder muscle. It stung like a mofo for a second or two, but then everything began to fade and darken. The last thing I saw was Pedo's smug grin and Hobo Bob's gleeful smile.


	3. The Escape

**A/N: Me: I just realized that I forgot to put an A/N in the last chapter :/**

**Fang: You seem to be doing that a lot lately.**

**Me: Yea… I need more sleep.**

**Fang: Yea- me too.**

**Me: You big baby! You sleep all the time!**

**Fang: But when I do you always throw the cat on me, or shoot me with a dart gun, or push me off the couch, or-**

**MooMoo: It's not that she hates you-**

**Rawr: She just doesn't care if you're happy.**

**Me: Uh… I guess that's it.**

**Fang: Oh, that makes me feel**_** so**_** much better.**

**Me: Fact: Our psycho six toed cat, Chloe, might have to go back to her old owners. We want to keep her, but she's so unhappy being locked inside- we can't let her out for multiple reasons- so we might have to give her back to where she can be outside. But my mom said if we do give her back, we'll get a kitten and a puppy and raise them together to be friends.**

Max POV

"Okay- remember the plan? Let's go over it." I whispered.

Nudge rolled her eyes. "We know it, Max- we've been over it a bajillion times already! So, like, as soon as the white coat comes in, we, like, totally mind control him, and-"

"I control him to go over and press the button to unlock all of our cages and-" Angel interrupts.

"-we bust out and storm the door and beat up anyone that gets in our way, and then we-" Gazzy picks up.

"-go and find Fang, get the hel-ck out of here and then blow this place to smithereens." Iggy finished, gleefully rubbing his hands together.

I nodded, tensing when I hear someone swipe their card, and the door _beeps_ open. Sure enough, in walks a white coat with greasy blonde hair, gray eyes, and- of course- a pedo stache. I know as soon as Angel gets control of his mind- his dull eyes go completely lifeless, and he walks robotically over to the control desk.

Jerkily, he reaches down and presses the button, and our cage doors spring open. I hear cages around the room open also, but I guess either the mutants in hem are too dead- or sick/dead- to immediately jump out.

We sprint out the door as Angel puts Pedo to sleep, and we head down the hallway to our right. "Angel?" I call.

"On it." She concentrates for a moment, before saying "He's north west- so take the first right, two immediate lefts, then a second left, immediate right, and then it's the fourth door on the left."

I nodded, trying to memorize the complicated instructions. But I couldn't help thinking… there were no scientists or Eraser guards around, there was no alarm blaring- it was very suspicious. And when your life is as insane as mine, whenever things get suspicious, it always turns out bad.

By the time I'd made my brilliant internal discovery (uh… right….) we were almost to Fang's room. Nudge made the magnetic card scanner go completely haywire- it emitted a few squeaky beeps before sputtering to a stop- and the door swung open.

My breath caught when I saw that we were entering an operating room, and I saw Iggy tighten up as he smelt and heard the room around him. But I couldn't deal with his traumatic child hood memories, as I saw that Fang was still unconscious- I hope to god he's just unconscious- and that meant that I had to carry his fat *ss.

"Iggy- 11 o' clock. Nudge- undo these." We worked fast; Gazzy busy planting bombs, Angel keeping watch, Nudge taking apart the metal restraints, Fang lolling still knocked out on the table, and Iggy and I lifting him off it.

Again, I was struck with how odd this all was- why was no one coming after us? I mean, don't get me wrong- I'd love to make a clean getaway- but this was all just too easy.

**Question of the Chapter: What is the one electronic device that you can't live without? I absolutely love my iPod touch :)**

"Okay, got him. Let's roll." I said, shifting Fang's right side more comfortable on my left shoulder. We started our- much slower- procession down the hall towards the doors. It took us seven minutes, full of tense listening, whispering- and on the part of me and Iggy, a lot of huffing and puffing.

We were in sight of the door when Mr. Sleeping Beauty decided to wake up. "Whargh?" he mumbled.

"Oh thank god you're awake. Here, walk yourself." I grunted, dropping him on the floor. Iggy stumbled a bit before doing the same.

"Ow." Fang complained, slowly picking himself up.

"Hurry up!" I whisper shouted, motioning at the door. Fang just glared at me- still a bit blearily from the drugs, I guess- and shuffled forward, getting a bit more motor control with every few steps.

Finally- fin-a-_ly_- we burst out through the doors and took off, Fang still in the back. So after we were a good couple miles away, I floated back towards him.

"Hey." I said, lightly swiping him with my wing. He just nodded and let a quick smile flash my way. "So… we saw you were in an OR. What… what did they do?"

At first I thought he wasn't going to answer- typical Fang. But then he said, "Something about putting actual fish DNA in me."

I looked him over, and didn't see anything fishy- get it? Like, fishy 'strange' and fishy like the- never mind. "Well, if you start growing fins or whatever, let me know." I said, twirling around him in the air. He just shook his head and smirked.

**A/N: Me: So… kind of a filler… but next chapter is when the funny starts. I'm aiming towards five chapters for this story.**

**Fang: Oh joy. Three more chapters of mocking me.**

**Me: Yup :)**

**Fang: Lucky me.**

**MooMoo: You are such a killjoy, Fang.**

**Rawr: Hehehe, yea, buttmunch.**

**Me: Tee hee! Fact: I've recently gotten into watching Beavis and Butthead constantly. I love it! "I am the great Cornholio! I need moe TP for my bunghole! Are you threatening me?"**

**Fang: A very educational show, along with South Park and Family Guy *rolls eyes***

**Me: Shut up. You watch them too. Okay, R&R pwetty please with waffles on top, and tune in next chapter for the actual story.**


	4. The Discovery

**A/N: Me: FINALLY! The good chapters start!**

**Fang: Oh my God why do you insist on writing this?**

**Me: Because if I don't, I'll explode.**

**MooMoo: Now you don't want that to happen, do you Fang?**

**Rawr: You'd be very sad if that happened.**

**Fang: Only because I'd have to clean up the guts.**

**Me: *gasp* Fang! How rude! Now, I'm just going to make this story even more embarrassing for you. **

**Fang: *groan* *head-desk***

**Me: Fact: I am now addicted to the app Temple Run. It's so fun!**

Fang POV

5 days after surgery

It's been almost a week since we escaped the School (again…) and we haven't stopped moving since. No more restaurants, no more shopping expeditions, and definitely no more musicals.

It was currently 3:30 AM (according to my laptop), we were somewhere in a forest in one of the Dakota's, and I was reclining on a tree branch, keeping watch. Well, everything has been quiet all night, so I was mostly checking the blog.

I grimaced when another pain hit my stomach. They'd been coming more and more often since we'd left the hellhole in California, but I'd managed to keep it to myself. Max doesn't need another thing to worry about.

I groaned softy when another wave of pain hit my stomach, and put my left hand over it. I immediately jerked it off again when I felt a bump on it. Setting my laptop carefully to the side, angling it so the light was on me, I lifted up my shirt to see my stomach.

Where a few days ago had been a nicely sculpted (if I do say so myself) six pack, there was now a slightly raised, rounded bump. It was about 2 inches taller than my normal stomach, and its peak was at my belly button. I pressed on it with a finger, and it was hard as a rock. I picked up the laptop, using it like a flashlight. But whichever angle I put it, it was the same, strange thing.

_What the f*ck?_ was all I could think.

I tried to come up with any possible answer. Maybe the scientists put something in my stomach… or maybe I was getting a deadly disease… or maybe it had something to do with the operation.

_Hmm… fish DNA. That's probably it. But what's it doing? _I couldn't think of a single thing that made any sense.

A few minutes of unsuccessful contemplating later, I heard Iggy sit up and stretch over by the ashes. That kid has, like, a sixth sense for when his turn for watch is.

I turned off my laptop, curled up in the crook of the branch, and went to sleep. I dreamed of goldfish chewing a hole through my stomach.

**QUESTION OF THE CHAPTER: What is your favorite animal? Mine's a platypus :D They're so cute!**

11 days after surgery

Almost a week has gone by, and I hadn't had a chance to use internet or the all-holy Google yet. All the while, the lump in my stomach has grown to about 4 ½ inches high. Now it was getting hard to hide under my clothes, and I was worried that one of the flock would find it. I wanted to know what it was myself before I had to explain it to anyone else.

But finally, we gave into our softer sides and were staying in a tiny, ramshackle, two-story cabin. But they had WiFi, so it's good in my book.

I opened up internet and searched 'types of fish'. I clicked on the firt Wikipeida link there.

"**At 32,000 species, fish exhibit greater species diversity than any other class of vertebrates****." **_Great. How am I supposed to know which one it is?_

Then I had a derp moment- why don't I just ask Angel?

I prodded her with my thoughts, carefully keeping all other thoughts hidden. _Angel. Angel. Angel!_

_What? _she complained.

_Um… did you happen to hear what kind of fish DNA they put in me?_

_Uh… I think I heard something about a seahorse. _

_Ok… thanks…._

So at least I had something to go on now. I typed in 'seahorses' into the search bar, and clicked on the first item- another Wikipedia article.

I scanned the page, looking for anything that was relevant. I scanned down about half way through the page, when I saw something that made my whole body freeze up.

"**The male seahorse is equipped with a brood pouch on the ventral, or front-facing, side. When mating, the female seahorse deposits up to 1,500 eggs in the male's pouch. The male carries the eggs for anywhere from 9 to 45 days until they emerge, expelling fully developed, miniature seahorses in the water." **

I rubbed my eyes, trying to get the words to make sense to my shocked, overloaded brain.

"**The female inserts her ovipositor into the male's brood pouch and deposits dozens to thousands of eggs. As the female releases her eggs, her body slims while his swells. Both animals then sink back into the seagrass and she swims away." **It included plenty of pictures.

"WHAT THE F*CK!" I shouted, fisting my hair into clumps. If I was reading correctly- which, unfortunately, I was- I WAS FRICKING PREGNANT! And in my mind I knew- I knew that this was true. I just felt it.

I heard Angel scream an identical phrase (dangit, forgot to keep my mind closed off!), and the whole flock thundered up the stairs.

Max threw open the door, followed by the rest of the flock. "Fang- what happened?" she asked, eyes taking in every detail.

"Um… n-n-nothing." I tried to cover. "I… uh… got an… 'interesting' comment on the… uh… blog." Wow, Fang. You're such a good liar. It didn't help that I was shaking all over (including my voice) from the shock.

"Uh huh." Max said skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"Um… Fang's pr-" Angel started.

"Pr-pr-pretending to be this guy in this video I saw earlier!" I talked over her, giving her my signature death glare.

"_Really_." Crap, she wasn't buying it.

"No, really, I was-"

"FANG'S PREGNANT!" Angel hollered. Gazzy and Nudge's mouths dropped open, Max's eyes popped out of their sockets, and mine were burning a hole through Angel's skull.

"_What_?" Max sounded strangled.

"Um… how's that even possible?" Iggy asked, looking like he'd seen a ghost. You know, if he could see.

I sighed, thinking of how ridiculous it all sounded. "As you know, the scientists injected me with a fish's DNA." Everyone nodded. "Well, Angel heard somewhere that it was seahorse DNA. So I Googled it… and… it turns out that male seahorses are the ones that get pregnant."

"Oh my gosh! I remember that from science class that one time that we went to school. Our science teacher was all like 'It's the only species of animals that does this' and stuff. Oh my gosh Fang's havin' a baby child! That's soo-"

After slapping a hand over Nudge's mouth, Iggy said "Dude. That's messed up."

Max and I nodded. "Um… can I… can I see?" she asked quietly. She looked like she was gonna fall over from a heart attack any second.

I nodded again, and lifted up the edge of my shirt. The girls gasped, Iggy looked bored (obviously he didn't know what was going on), and Gazzy whispered "Gross."

I dropped my shirt back down, and there was silence for a few minutes. Nudge, of course, was the first one to break it.

"So… can I decorate the nursery?"

**A/N: Me: Lolololol muahahaha. I love this story. **

**Fang: Oh really? I hate it.**

**MooMoo: Yes, Fang, we know.**

**Rawr: You say it every chapter.**

**Fang: Well, I do.**

**Me: *whacks with weasel* No negative energy, emo. Anyway, I'm thinking two more chapters of this story. Fact: I'm reading the Hunger Games for the first time ever right now.**

**Fang: *groan* Mmmppphh**

**Me: *sigh* Didn't hit him hard enough. *whacks twice more* That should do it. Anyway- R&R for waffles. This was the first funny chapter, so I want… at least 8 reviews. You can do it!**


	5. The Misery Mwahaha

_**I CREATED A FACEBOOK PAGE- 'IT'S FNICKING AWESOMENESS'. LIKE IT FOR UPDATES, POLLS, NEW STORIES, QUESTIONS, & OTHER FUN STUFF!**_

**A/N: Me: I am utterly spent right now. You all are lucky you're getting a chapter. I'd rather be taking a nap.**

**Fang: You could've, if you hadn't spent the last two and a half hours finishing 'Mockingjay'. **

**Me: SHUT UP! It's a really good series! *SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT* I can't believe that Gale left and Katniss got together with Peeta. Poor Gale :( I wuv him and want to cuddle him. Katniss is such a b*tch.**

**MooMoo: What if this happens in the last Maximum Ride book?**

**Rawr: What if Fang leaves again and then Max just gets together with Dylan?**

**Me: *gasp* *vibrating* *vibrating more* *face turns red* *steam blows out of ears***

**Fang: Oh God what's happening!**

**Me: I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT HAPPENS OR IF ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES THE REUNION OF FAX I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE JP APART WITH NOTHING BUT MY BARE HANDS! I'LL RIP OUT HIS EYEBALLS AND FORCE FEED THEM TO HIM! AND THEN I'LL SET HIM ON FIRE, PEE ON HIS ASHES, SET HIS ASHES ON FIRE, AND THEN BLOW UP THE WORLD!**

**Fang: Over react much?**

**Me: GAAAAAAHHHHH! *starts strangling Fang***

Fang POV

17 days after surgery

I sat on the couch, trying to watch some TV (that just shows you how god-d*mn bored I was), and trying to ignore Nudge sitting on the other couch staring at me with big eyes.

Thinking that I wouldn't notice, she slid closer and closer to me every minute. Eventually she slid completely off the couch, still staring with huge cow eyes, and started crawling on the ground over to the couch I was sitting on. Slowly she reached my couch and peeked over the edge of the couch. She slowly raised her arm up and began to poke my stomach.

"Nudge, stop poking my stomach." I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"But it's so big! I wonder what the baby will look like." She exploded from staying quiet for too long.

"Nudge, I-"

"Will it have wings or fins or feathers or scales or will it be human?"

"Nudge!"

"OOH I wonder if it's a boy or a girl! If it's a boy we should name him Tooth! That would be soo-"

"NUDGE!" I finally shouted.

"Yes?" she asked innocently.

"Go away." I growled.

"Okay, but they're all valid questions." she said as she flounced out.

I groaned again and hit my head on the back of the couch a few times. The 'baby' was making my stomach protrude at least seven inches, and it was both obnoxious and incredibly disturbing. Guys aren't supposed to get… _pregnant_. I shuddered. It still freaked me out every time I thought about it. Those stupid white coats just couldn't leave us alone, could they?

I hissed in pain as a sharp pain hit the right side of my stomach. Apparently there were all sorts of pains and aches that came with… this. I crossed my arms over my balloon of a stomach, simmering at my luck- or lack thereof.

I heard a rustle and a scrape from behind me, and I felt someone breathing on me. I sighed. "Nudge. Go. Away." She 'humph'ed and stomped back into the kitchen, probably to complain about me to Iggy. Whatever- I had bigger problems to deal with.

"Oh my GOD!" I yelled as yet _another_ pain stabbed my stomach. "Dumb… thing." I muttered. "How would you like it if I kicked you, huh? Wouldn't be so cocky then, would ya?"

"Max, Fang's talking to himself." Gazzy called as her breezed through the living room. I thunked my head on the couch again. FML.

_**I CREATED A FACEBOOK PAGE- 'IT'S FNICKING AWESOMENESS'. LIKE IT FOR UPDATES, POLLS, NEW STORIES, QUESTIONS, & OTHER FUN STUFF!**_

25 days after surgery

"Max. Just do it. Just kill me now. You'd be doing me a favor. Please- look! I'm begging you!" I tried to plead with her, trying to get her to just pick up her pocket knife there and stab me in the fricking head already.

Rolling her eyes, she said "Fang, we've already been over this. I'm not going to kill you. It's been, like, three and a half weeks- you're almost done! So stop it before I _do _kill you." Max had gotten over her original shock and turned into some sort of personal motivator for me. It was incredibly annoying. Especially 'cause she wasn't very good at it.

My "loverly little darling baby-child" (as Nudge puts it) was huge- I'm pretty sure my stomach was at least ten inches big. Trust me, when there is something growing _inside of you_, it changes everything you do. I mean, Nudge went on a crazy rant and hid all of the junk food from me! What kind of injustice has this world come to when a man (even if he is… you know… the p-word) can't even get a good plate of bacon!

"Come on, Max, you know you want to! All those times you threatened me, and the one time I agree with you, you turn it down?" Hey, she said if I kept going, she'd actually kill me… so….

Rolling her eyes again, she shook her head and walked outside to go flying. Which I was banned from doing because, according to Nudge, it could hurt the demon child. Whoops, I mean "loverly darling little baby-child". Note sarcasm.

So, no flying, a huge stomach, no junk food, an overenthusiastic Nudge, and no one to kill me. Basically, my life sucked. Big time.

You know, I think I'll name the kid 'Little F*cker'. Or… maybe 'Little Sh*t'. Whichever profanity I feel like calling it that day.

_**I CREATED A FACEBOOK PAGE- 'IT'S FNICKING AWESOMENESS'. LIKE IT FOR UPDATES, POLLS, NEW STORIES, QUESTIONS, & OTHER FUN STUFF!**_

**A/N: Me: Not that good, kinda short, but hey. Next chapter the baby comes!**

**Fang: Can I just go live in a hole until after this story is over?**

**MooMoo: Sure you can!**

**Rawr: Sister already dug your grave!**

**Fang: Any where'd be better tha- wait, my grave?**

**Me: I had to look through her room over the weekend. *shudder* I don't want to talk about it.**

**MooMoo: You saw her rabid cow city?**

**Rawr: And the dead body compartments under her bed?**

**Fang: "Already dug"?**

**Me: Yes, yes, and no one's talking to you Fang. Fact: My only Valentine's Day (AKA Single's Awareness Day :D) gift was a flower from my friend Anna. Even though I told her no.**

**Fang: Bu-**

**Me: Ah! Shh! So… R&R, like the Facebook page, all that good stuff. Happy Valentin's/Single's Awareness Day!**


	6. The Baby!

**A/N: Me: Hello, all! This is the last chapter of the story. It makes me kinda sad, I guess, but I guess I haven't had a lot of time to get super attached to it or anything. I really ho-**

**Fang: FOOOOOOOD!**

**Me: SHUT UP ALREADY! Dinner is going to be ready in an hour or so!**

**Fang: BUT I WANT FOOOOOOD!**

**MooMoo: Seriously, Fang,**

**Rawr: Stop drooling on the uncooked meatloaf.**

**Me: Yea, I have to eat that!**

**Fang: HUNGRYYYYYYY!**

**Me: I'm gonna smack him. HOLD ME DOWN, HOLD ME DOWN! *no one does* Hmph, fine, ruin my fun. Fact: Sister and I are trying to find a summer camp. But they're all too expensive. So… looks like no summer fun for us. Again.**

Fang POV

31 days after surgery

"Oh, having a baby is such a beautiful and natural thing! It's a miracle of life!" Whoever says those kinds of things needs a high five. In the face. With a fricking chair.

I sat and glared at my stupid stomach, the cause of all of my problems. Looking grotesquely huge, round, and swollen, it stuck out almost a whole foot by now. I legit looked like I was nine months. Believe me, it is not a good look for a guy. _Ever_. This dumb baby. I swear… when it gets out of there… I'll teach it a lesson it'll never forget. Ruining my life, humiliating me, making me look pregnant….

"Fang? You're scowling and muttering to yourself… again." Gazzy said with a worried expression on his face.

I smoothed out my face. "Sorry, Gaz. I'll try to keep the insanity to a minimum." I ran a hand over my face, groaning. When would this personal h-e-double hockey sticks be over? Hopefully any day now….

I debated on when to tell the kid that I never really wanted him/her, that he/she was a freak of nature, and that his/her dad was his "mom"…. Of course, Max would probably not let me crush the kid like that. But I would find a way. He/she would _pay_. Oh yes, there will be blood.

"Max, Fang is having fantasies about killing people again." Angel called helpfully down the stairs.

While Max gave me a disapproving glare, Iggy said from the kitchen, "Now, now Fang- your therapist said these harmful thoughts would just lead to you cutting yourself again. You need to let go of your emo thoughts, and think happy-rainbow-unicorn thoughts!"

Oh yea, Iggy will pay, too. Without the baby making my stomach like a balloon, I could beat on him all I wanted. And yes, his blood will be there, too.

"Fang! I am a seven year old girl! I cannot be scarred by your gruesome day dreams of blood and beating Iggy to a pulp!" Angel yelled louder.

"Fang, stop scarring Angel." Max rolled her eyes.

"Hey, what about me?" Iggy whined.

"Fang, no beating Iggy to a pulp." Max said. "Without me, that is." I grinned- take that, Iggy!

"That's right, team up on the blind guy." he complained.

"Iggy I don't think they're actually going to beat you to a pulp. I mean, maybe Fang will, but he's having issues lately, obviously, so you can't really blame him. On the other hand, you _did _steal all of Max's left shoes the other day to fuel your experiment's fire, so maybe she has an excuse to beat you up too. On second thought, you did take apart my hair straightener for heating plates for another bomb, so technically I have an excuse to beat you up, too. Oh, and-"

"SHUT UP!" Gazzy, Max, and I yelled at the same time. Nudge looked offended, but only for a second. She probably got distracted by a pretty dust speck or something equally stupid.

And if you're sitting there, getting mad at me for my jaded and negative view on everything, be quiet. No one's talking to you. Try being in my position, and you'd be the same way, I guaran-

"OW!" I shouted, immediately putting a hand to my stomach. "Stop it, you little mother fu-" I was rudely interrupted by another _really_ sharp pain to my stomach. "OUCH!"

"What's wrong, Fang?" Max asked, looking confused and unsure.

"I have no id-" I hissed in a breath when my stomach was brutally stabbed and my blood spilled all over the floor. Oh, it wasn't? Well, that's what it felt like. My mistake.

"The baby's coming!" Angel shouted gleefully, (literally) flying down the stairs. How she knows these things, I don't know or care. My thoughts at this moment went something like this: _Ow ow f*ckity ow. I'm gonna die slowly and painfully. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow I hate my life. I'm going to kill someone. Ow ow ow ow ow OW! _

"Wow! So cool! Come on, people, let's go, go, go!" Nudge screamed, dashing out the door. Only, the storm door wasn't open, so she smacked right into it, falling onto the floor. And yea, it did look exactly how it does in the cartoons. But she sprung right back up, shrieking "Adventure time!", actually opening the door this time before sprinting out it.

Angel and Gazzy followed suit, all three of them probably circling impatiently above the house. "Where are they even going? Not to a hospital, but Dr. M isn't here." I asked trough gritted teeth.

Max thought for a second, before saying "Her office! It's right in town, and that's where she'll be! Come on, Iggy, let's grab Fang and go!" Before I protest, I was hauled off the couch and dragged outside.

"I'm not sure I can fly, remember?" I huffed, clenching my jaw in pain. And anger. I'm pretty sure my life couldn't get any worse right now.

Scoffing, Max said, "You flew through Ari slicing open your side for almost twenty minutes. You can survive flying five minutes. Besides, Iggy and I'll be there to help you! Now move!"

I guess she forgot the part when I collapsed out of the sky like a shot goose. And one look at Iggy's face told me he probably wouldn't' catch me until the last minute, causing me to have a heart attack. So yea, I guess my life _can _get worse.

_**GO LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE FOR UPDATES, POLLS, ETC. PLEEEEASE!**_

"So… how are we gonna get this thing out?" Iggy asked once we arrived at Dr. M's office.

That stalled us for a second. We hadn't really thought about it at all. Which, in hindsight, was not the brightest idea we've ever had.

Dr. M cleared her throat. "Well… we obviously can't go through the… traditional way. So we probably could do something like a Cesarian." At our blank looks, she explained, "Basically we make an incision in Fang's stomach, lift the baby out, and sew him back up. There shouldn't be any major complications."

I gulped. Wonderful. So now this thing's was giving me huge scars. Its official- this thing can go die in a hole.

"Alright, let's do it." Max agreed, nodding. I glared at her from the operating table I was lying on- I could speak for myself- but it was considerably weakened by the fact that it felt like my entire lower body was imploding.

"Okay, Fang, I'm gonna have to put you under so you don't flip out and try to kill me when I start." Dr. M said, already bustling around with a bunch of machinery. She put some sort of breathing mask over my nose and mouth, and then everything went all blurry, quiet, and black.

When I next opened my eyes, it was night, and the room was completely empty. Oh wait, there's someone! "Max?" God, my voice sounded terrible.

She started, turning around. "You're up! How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." I shrugged. "So… where's the baby?" She held up what I'd assumed to be dirty towels in her arms, and gave me a 'duh' look. "Oh."

"It's a girl." she said softly, giving the baby such a lovey-dovey look I wanted to puke. Or maybe that was because I started feeling the pain from my _stomach_ _being sliced open_. Whichever you'd like.

She handed the baby to me, and I made an awkward cradle with my arms. Considering I've never held a baby in my life, I was worried that I'd do something stupid like accidentally sit on it or something. You never know with me.

I had to admit, she was cute. She had chocolate brown eyes, and fuzzy black hair. She already had pretty tan skin, and when I shifted the blanket I saw that she had deep black wings… with brown and white stripes. She gave a little yawn before going back to sleep, and she already had her two top teeth.

"I think she's part me." Max said quietly. I looked up her, wondering how that would even work. I mean, we hadn't even… you know…. "The scientists took me in for a mystery surgery one day, but I have no idea what they did. They might've taken… you know… _things _from me to put in you. I didn't tell you 'cause you already had a lot to deal with, and I didn't want to worry you, and… I'm rambling." She blew out a breath.

"So… she's _ours_ ours." I mumbled.

"I guess."

"Well, she's gonna have one messed up childhood." I said, shaking my head.

"Just don't let her near Iggy." Max giggled.

"You rang?" Iggy said, walking in with a flourish.

I rolled my eyes while Max said, "Yea, we were talking about how much of a butt-sucker you are."

"Ouch." Iggy presented mock hurt and outrage. But he walked over to the baby and said (waking her up), "Hi, baby. I'm Uncle Iggy. You're pretty cute." He started tickling her under the chin, which she seemed to like. Just when I thought maybe he wouldn't be such a bad role model, he said, "I'm gonna teach you how to say 'I love sex', every cuss word, and 'do me, sexy' in fourteen languages, and you are gonna be the most talented girl on the street."

"No, Iggy, you will do nothing of the sort. In fact, stay away from her." I said, elbowing him.

"Have you picked a name? I like 'Tabitha', or 'Gloria'- names that could easily be turned into stripper names. Just in case." Iggy asked, grinning.

"Actually, idiot, I was thinking of Jenny." Okay, that was a lie- I hadn't actually been thinking of a name at all (well, besides F*cker and Little Sh*t). But it seemed to fit, and I could tell that Max liked it.

"You guys are so lame. You have no imagination!" Iggy cried, stomping out of the room.

"Just ignore your psychotic Uncle Iggy, Jenny, we all do anyway." Max cooed, stroking her head. Jenny gave a little toothless smile, and I couldn't help but think _Maybe this was kind of worth it_.

**A/N: Me: There you have it, the end of Just Seahorsin' Around. I hope you enjoyed this very strange story as much as I did!**

**Fang: FOOOOOOOOD! I'M DYING!**

**Me: You just ate!**

**Fang: But now I want a milkshake!**

**MooMoo: You are so fat.**

**Rawr: I bet you have moobs.**

**Fang: I have pecs, thank you very much, and abs. SO GIVE ME FOOD!**

**Me: *whacks with weasel* I SAID SHUT UP, FATLARD! So, R&R please! I'll post the Wondrous Waffles Contest winners next chapter! Bye!**


	7. Thank You

Hey yo, everybody! Since this was a short story, I'mma make this short, too. So, without further ado- the winners of the Wondrous Waffles Contest! YAYYYYYY!

5th place (shout-out): katherine. I love how you took the time to go back and review all of the chapters at once. Now that's dedication! And thanks for the compliments :)

4th place (shout-out): StoriesAreMagic. Thanks for reading- it's always cool to see new people review. And I want a Kindle soooo bad. And thanks for the poke about Fang's personality :)

3rd place (shout-out and an excerpt from an upcoming story): Sierra156. Come on, dude, you're slipping. Haha JK, I love ALL of your reviews. But, uh, I think my favorite quote from a review of yours was "Well, ya sure as f*ck don't hear THAT every day." And the "Fang's havin' a baby child" which, I'm sure you noticed, was used several times in the story. I was cracking up while simultaneously scaring my family. P.S- the excerpt is the same one you got for La Belle Vie contest, so do you just want another chapter from that same story?

2nd place (shout-out and an excerpt from an upcoming story): wolfhead. Honestly, I think this is the first story you've reviewed full time, and I'm glad for it! "Fishy DNA, wheeee!" LOL I loved it! And looking back, you sympathized with Fang every chapter. HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR SYMPATHY! XD

1st place (shout-out, an excerpt from an upcoming story, and… a little extra something. I'm still not sure what it is. We'll talk.): MisoSoup8D! Haha, your reviews always made me laugh XD And I like the smiley face in your name (if that's what it actually is… O.o) I liked your idea for the mix mash of what the baby would look like, and how we are alike in our (probably unhealthy) obsession with iPod touches. And your failed smoke bomb XD

The excerpt is actually from the story I'll be posting within the week, so you'll be getting a sneak peak at it! So if you won an excerpt, PM/review and let me know whether you want it in DocX, PM, or an email!

Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and basically making me feel good :) I was really excited to write this story, so I'm glad you liked it!

Enter my SYOC for my next story "No Safety"!

So, like my Facebook page. Read my other stories. I'll see ya around!


	8. Tumblr Blog!

Hello MR Fans! This is an announcement that I have created a Tumblr blog. Not just any Tumblr blog- a Maximum Ride role play group blog.

What this means is you can go on Tumblr, and message me as a MR character (or an OC- I don't care) and our characters can talk, interact, and have adventures and stuff.

I know it sounds kinda dumb, but trust me- it's not. I'm already part of an Avengers role play group, and it's so much fun writing as your favourite character while interacting with your other favourite characters.

For an example of an amazing role play group, go here (no spaces, obviously): kneel-to-your-king. tumblr

So, what I would like you guys to do, is go on Tumblr and create an account of a MR character (or make your own mutant, white coat, or whatever!) and then message and follow me at 'please-do-not-fang-bang' (I'm a Fang, hehe). Then send me an ask, and out characters will do stuff!

If you already have a Tumblr, you can still interact with me as that, or just make another one using a different email (I, for one, have three different accounts :3).

I have never seen anything like this for the Maximum Ride fandom, so I think it could be really big and could be so much fun! Thanks so much!


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